almost-forgotten-blog

TOTALLY..totally have forgotten about my blog =.=
one, cause i never can remember my blog's address (yes, very funny. i created my own but i dont remember it =.=)and I always have it in my laptop, who knows my ASUS laptop died on me! dam it! =.= have to use my old laptop. therefore, I have to go to people's blog to link to mine (how irony..zz)
two, i was too busy!!!! kept going back msia..went back twice already for this semester =.= i think..i have taken more than 25 flights?! CRAZY! oh well, at least everything is good back home. money still can earn back one ^.^ when i came back from msia, every week got one assignment due. kept asking for extension until I was so paiseh -.- luckily everything went well. :)
so...where to start? so many things to say, so little time to write. LOL.
Firstly, I'm finishing my uni!!!! I'm so happy! 2 units this semester, one unit IS down. ha. eventhough I dislike him (sometimes), but still want to thanks to him, all of his units I got D including this semester. Somemore, one of the assignments I was top in the class.OMGGGGG...last sem in my uni, and this happened. I would say, this is indeed a very good ending for my uni life. :D was so happy until I havent started study for my exam next friday =.= oh well, hope for the best! :D

Secondly, I have booked my tickets for my grad! yay! my friend was telling me, "wahhh..so confident ah you, haven't taken exam, already confirm on your own that you are graduating huh?" hahaha.oh well, I HAVE to graduate. XD the hardest unit, I have passed. next week's exam I only need 7/50 in order to pass. im sure i can do it.^.^ since I'm not celebrating CNY next year, I'm coming back on the 1st day of CNY and stay for almost 2 weeks. good time to let mummy and brother to rest and enjoy since daddy passed away :( convo is good, convo is great.one stupid thing, I'm not having my convo in convention centre, they are changing it to uni.urgh!! so kiam siap! I have to grad in a not-so-big field. T.T hopefully it turns out well. I'm the Guinea pig! sien.....haih...see how laaaaa....
Thirdly, I'm going back Msia for good! T.T after 5 years in Perth, after I have started to treat Perth as my 1st home...I AM going back. so sad...I'm going to miss my Perth life for sure. or to be exact, missing my uni life. working life sucks =.= haih...i guess have a job already better than trying hard to get a job?oh well....
lasty...lazy to type so much.so jump to conclusion. :P now, my target is to study hard for next fri's exam, pack everything and move out by end of next week, enjoy last few weeks of my Perth life and tata! balik kampung! hahaahha :D
will update again if I feel like it. :P ciao~

question

dad is gone, mum is sick, bro is in hospital and i'm in australia. I really question to God, why is this happening to me?i'm sure my dad's case is more than enough for me to handle within this year. brother even emitted into hospital before my dad passed away. now is the second time, after dad passed away. i don know what can i do. Tickets are sold out and the earliest I can get probably is sunday or monday. I'm worry.....dead worry and I can't do anything because I'm freaking in AUSTRALIA! daddy, if you can listen to me, can you please help brother so that he can stay with us?please? :( what a tough year for me....

update update

There was a time when I was so into blogging and always read people's blog. However, people stop blogging, more into other social communications, caused blog to be abandoned. I don't have many other social communication except FB, and yet, I don't really update my blog too :(
After dad passed away, I went back uni, finished my 1st sem of my final year and was really glad that I made it here today, my final semester! Once I have break, I gotta come back to help my mum to deal with the business. I realized, study time is the best! no kidding! :S once you start working, one day 24 hours is like nothing. so, as a student, don't complain! XD
Now I'm back in Malaysia due to my one week short break. Skipped one of my session and made it about 2 weeks plus back home. TIRED!! taking plane, transiting, waiting etc...is really tiring. so far, I have taken 19 flights! NINETEEN!! OMG! =.= plus coming sunday, its going to add up to be 21 flights. People envy I have the chance keep taking planes, but trust me, when most of the flights are budgeted, you would rather just sit at home to relax. :(
stress stress stress...uni assignments, groupmates and business are making me so stress! :( I hope I can make it through this semester and graduate as expected.haih..
anyway, gotta go to sleep. When you start working, you are just like an old man. Have to sleep early because you are way too tired during day time.

倦

最近恋上使用华语来表达心中所想，感觉好像。。。比较能表达我所想表达的。糟糕了，英文就会越来越差哦。。哈哈:P
倦，这一个单字，就可以用来形容所有不欢，不快乐，难过，疲劳，疲惫，厌倦。。。等等。好一个‘倦’字！呵呵～是啊，我现在是倦了。。工作？友情？爱情？健康？真的有好多的事情要烦。出去和朋友聚会，就老是问我，何时丢个’红炸弹‘啊？你以后要打算如何？你们之间要怎么解决？而我的回复，只有微笑和叹气；能避就避，能不回答，就不回答。
突然间，我觉得我倦了。是因为我老了吗？怎么没了年轻人轰轰烈烈的感情？爱到死去活来的或是没了对方就仿佛世界末日了！我很怀疑，我到底在坚持什么。。有人问到，你死心了吗？心，死了，就没有可能复活了。绝望了，还有机会，就是等待奇迹。死心的定义是什么？绝望的呢？恋爱的感觉，被背叛的滋味。。。我好像都麻木了。竟然到了我都能很冷静地对待一切所发生的事件。我为什么会变成这样呢？真的好想找回自我，找回无忧无虑，为了爱情不顾一切的我。。但是，我也很不喜欢那样的我 - 只为爱情而活，其他都是其次。现在回想起来都觉得很笨！ :(
嗨。。。这也不行，那也不行。。真不知我在想什么。荷尔蒙失调吧？！！哈哈哈哈。。发现，最近的帖子都蛮忧愁伤感，对不起所有的读者咯。。唯有这里，我才能好好发泄一下我心里的不愉快。
睏了，今天就写到这里吧，晚安！:):)

气

有时我真的不明白，到底是我想太多，还是他的表现真的如此？对朋友就可以全力以赴，可对我就马马虎虎。。。难道一定要等到失去以后，才懂得珍惜吗？忍了又忍，机会给了又给，结果还是一样。答应过的事，从来没有实行过；更别说他的承诺。知道内幕的人都说，你还等什么？这样拖泥带水并不能解决问题，乘早放手吧～其实，我也不知道我在想什么。真的很多时候很想放弃，累了，但无处可诉苦。朋友有难，他一定拔刀相助，见义勇为，是很好的性格。但是，却不用在我身上。我有难，都得自己解决；我有苦，只能自己想办法。就连要告诉他喜讯，我都得等个三天三夜，才能找到他。 我要是投诉了，就说我想太多！男生都是这样的吗？！女朋友是拿来疼的！真是的！
每一次回来，都会有同样的想法出现，但从来都没勇气去实行它，只怕到时会后悔。算算一下，23岁了，大学也快毕业了，怎么我的感情路那么的不好走。真的很累耶。。。到底我应该怎么做。。。 :(

happy

result was released yesterday and i passed everything!!!!! I'm so happy cause i expected one might fail.-.- and surprisingly, the one i thought that will fail, actually is the highest among all 3 units. oh well, at least i passed!!! so happy! cause next sem I only left one day with classes. yes, ONE day out of SEVEN days. OMG! i only have 12 days with 60hours of classes.=.= what a relax last sem in uni.hahaha.hopefully can pass everything smoothly and can come back to help my mum.
came back miri 2 weeks ago, have been working and busy non stop.=.= now i know how hard my dad worked last time. went outstation, local markets etc. tiring cause need to walk a lot since im not good in parking and stupid council, we have LITTLE amount of parking spaces. hopefully can keep fit cause i walk a lot. :P a lot of things to catch up and learn, real world is not as 'easy' as we thought it might be. haih. jia you jia you!!
just heard from one of my best friends that he has gf already, for almost half a year.=.= and i didnt know about it until half an hour ago?! kinda..sad cause I'm pretty sure we cant be as close as we were last time since he has gf already. Just like what I have mentioned in my previous post, pure friendship between man and woman is hard in real life especially. :( looks like I have one less best friend now. haih. but, still happy for him cause he finally found his mrs right. congratz!!! :) all the best to you! stay sweet! ^.^

爱与不爱

昨天才看完‘我可能不会爱上你’这部戏，蛮喜欢它的故事题材，因为现实生活中是有很多‘李大仁’和‘程又青’。而我呢，的确是有过‘李大仁’，而我就是‘程又青’；甚至连‘丁立威’都有哦。。只可惜，我的‘李大仁’在几年前就失去联络了，因为‘丁立威’。
人人常说男女之间没有纯友谊，原本我反对这说法，可到后来我改变主意了。我和我的‘李大仁’感情好到不得了，连我的父母都很喜欢他。只可惜，他也说过‘我不可能爱上你’。‘丁立威’出现了，交往了，分手了，‘李大仁’都默默地呆在我身旁。他真的和戏中的‘李大仁’一样，陪我哭，陪我笑，听我诉苦，做我的肩膀，帮我解决问题等等。。故事还真的是一模一样，差的是，‘李大仁’和‘程又青’最后是有情人终成眷属，而我的嘛。。没了。就如大家所说，告白了，只有两个选择，一，成为情侣；二，连朋友都当不成。当然，我的结局很明显，那就是二。可是，并不是因为他的告白，而是，他做了一些让我无法谅解的事，而不能原谅他。
老实说，我倒蛮期望我的结局和戏中的一样，只可惜，往往都没想到他会那样做。就这样，我的‘李大仁’消失了。没有人听我诉苦，没有人能有他的能耐陪我讲话。。我们永远有谈不完的话题，从生活的芝麻小事到太空的九大行星，我们都能聊。只要我一遇到任何问题，只要是他的范围能力之内，他都一定会帮我帮到底。这，就是我的‘李大仁’。
纯友谊？真的很难在男女之间生存的。即使它真的存在了，你们的另一半是不可能接受的。当初，为了‘李大仁’，我也和‘丁立威’大吵一架呢。。我想不止一次吧？哈哈。。
嗨～～看完这部戏，只让我有了更多的遗憾和懊悔，当初，我的决定是正确的吗？‘李大仁’，你近来好吗？我没有勇气亲口问你，因为我伤害了你。对不起！希望你过得很好。。

超喜欢这首歌。。。

missing

I was back in Perth since last Sunday. Dad was cremated, thanks for everyone's prayers and all the legal documents are progressing. It sounds good, does it not? I act strong in front of my mum and my brother, I consoled her and ask her to stay strong. I talked to her everyday and she seems better, which nothing else is better than this. However, for me myself, I cried almost every night without anyone knowing. Even back here in Perth, I cry at night before I slept. I even dreamt of my dad yesterday. I miss him too much ey? Sometimes, when I webcam'ing' my mum, I pretended dad was around and just not talking to me. Since he did that most of the time. BUT I know I can't lie to myself and NEED to accept the fact that dad is gone. :(

this is the hard time that I need to go through on my own. I'm tired of acting strong. :(

one last photo that we took together during CNY 2012. I really miss him now T.T

Transit

In singapore now, waiting for my next flight to Kl and back home. The nearer I'm to my destination, the more that I want to avoid the fact that daddy has gone. I really cannot accept it.It's too sudden. I don't know how long can I stay strong for, I know I need to for my mum and my brother. But, I really scare if I break down, I can't get through this. What should I do......

RIP dad

Dad passed away. I never expected that to happen so quickly in my life. What happen to this world?!!!!

april food

this is going to be just food post since i haven't been posting up my home-cooked food recently. ;P sorry aunty! haha!

a balanced diet meal I supposed. got soup, vege, rendang, rice and dessert + fruits. :D healthynya~~~

homemade chicken rice! with mum's chilli sauce! OMG! the bomb! *slurp*

my 1st trial of pumpkin dumpling (vegetarian of the day)came out quite nice. :D

the pumpkin paste

homemade chinese chive dumpling ^.^

corn-in-the-cup! OMG! i miss it so much! loved to buy this when i was young. the buttery and corn smell...nommnomm..

soup, steamed egg and satay chicken.

steamed egg was ok. added mushroom and corn inside. (self-innovated.LOL)

bf said satay chicken was the bomb! :D

tonight's dinner! yum! sweet plum marinated chicken (ok ok only), but the mash potato was awesome :D the vege was nice too(cooked by bf lah~had to say nice. :P)

this semester I have been cooking a lot of chinese dishes, just meat, vege and soup - a very chinese yet simple chinese meal. :P

Easter

Happy Easter everyone!! eventhough i dont celebrate, at least I got benefit from it. :P cheap chocolate after the real easter.hahaha. but no offense to those who are celebrating! remember to go to church and dont eat so much chocolate! :)
I have officially started my holiday on wed evening. after a really BUSY + stress week, finally i got myself a break! started to watch on call 36 hours, within 48 hours, i finished 25 episodes! LOL. impressive?didn't even have enough of sleep.=.= if I could have been that hardworking when I studied for my exams..how good. haha :P its a good drama, now I understand more how do doctors work in hospital (in real life, the hospital facilities might be different from what have shown in the drama, but the BUSY life is for REAL i'm pretty sure of that)
since young, I had an ambition to become a doctor, who doesn't? it would be either teacher, lawyer, scientist or doctor that students would write on their ambition column. When I finished my college, I know I couldn't go into medic. One, my not-so-good result, secondly, I know I couldn't handle that kind of pressure. Even parents also don't encourage me if my result allowed me to. Cause, they knew, I won't be able to handle the pressure and of course, different kinds of situations that might happen in hospital. For example, facing death, involve myself in emergency cases, making decision quick and wise enough. That's why I ended up with something that's not so noble.BUT, i believe, every occupation has its own importance. Biotechnologist can create more advanced technology for the medical area and a business man can change the economy! :P
I had 3 exams plus a presentation on monday till wednesday respectively. Somemore, I had a group report to be handed in on monday as well. I was so stress, I really felt like giving up any one of them. I have less contact hours this sem, and yet, I think I have less time to do my works. must be I procrastinated too much. :( just got one exam's result back which I failed it. An elective unit about finance. So not surprised at all.Once I finished the exam, I had a feeling that I would fail.And yes, my instinct was right. :S I chose it cause I thought I like numbers and wanted to learn more about finance, who knows, now its giving me a lot of headache. I wonder how do those accountants and auditors face numbers every single day and dont get bored out of it. =/ I was still thinking to take accounting as my postgraduate course. Looks like the chances of going into it is low and hard too even if I get in. =S
haih. This year is not a good year for me I supposed. cause its 2012?LOLL. getting sick when I came back, took me 2 weeks plus to recover. Before I had a chance to even build up my immune system back, I got cold sore. Its a sickness when you are stress/ have weak immune system, you will get it. It can't be healed, the virus will stay in my body forever. So, whenever I'm stress or didnt get myself enough of rest, I will get cold sore easily.
as for my relationship, it seems so fragile right now and might break into pieces any time soon. I really don't know if I have the courage to continue it. It has happened so many things that I need to consider about it seriously. I did, but I still don't know what to do. =( two and a half years..its not a very long period nor short one.
lots of things have happened,
lots of memories being created,
lots of disagreements among us,
lots of fights that might separate us.
where's our lots of love?
I wondered, I confused, I cried.
and yet,
lots of thoughts that hold me back.
why?what should I do?I'm tired.tired of holding a thing that might not be mine.

一个故事

每一故事都会有结局，是好是坏，是喜还是悲，都由作者来决定。然而，故事读多了，情节看惯了，童话故事一定是完美结局；爱情故事一定是长长久久。
是谁来决定这些结局呢？作者又为何要配合大家的口味而写下‘一定是那样’的结局呢？他们只不过是想不辜负众人所望，希望自己的书大受欢迎。诺他们编的结局是不好的，大众或许会认为那个故事不讨喜，甚至还会批评它的不好。但是，有人想过吗？为何作者会写下如此的结局？也许，那是他的故事？而，那个故事并没有完美的发展下去，就如书本里所写的一样。他，那位作者，只不过想透过他的文字来表达所发生的一切，他所经历的过程，还有他所有的感受。如此真实的故事，并不一定会被大家接受；相对的，完美的童话故事，爱到海枯石烂的爱情故事却比较受欢迎。
而，我的故事，又由谁来决定结局呢？是我吗？还是，观众？
我应该要不负众人所望继续我的完美故事？还是，勇敢地踏出这一步，让故事有所不同呢？

life

LIFE!
owh, i know. its such a word with so many things that can relate to it.
my brother went into hospital and i freaked out!
yesterday, dad called and said, one of my cousins died from cancer. I wasn't so close to her, yet, she was part of my family. what's going on here? we can't deny age, but why?lives have been taken away due to sickness, NOT old aged! I know it's all fated, but I should say, these few years staying in oversea have made me learn more about family. We have been welcoming births and sending off deaths. I wasn't there for any of these, still, I heard the news from calls. Which I never liked it at all (of course, only for the BAD one).
I'm glad that my brother is all good and starting to run around just like my old little brother. But we will never know what would happen tomorrow, or the day after next, or a week later...I really appreciate the time i spend with any of my family members as much as I could, I scare I will regret which I hope I don't when things happen. :(
For everyone who is reading my blog, not to nag at you, but do make a trip back home if you ever got the chance despite the financial matters. You will never know what would happen and might regret for your life. :)

fear

Never liked to get calls from my mum especially at random time. =/ she called me this morning, I heard weird background noises and her tone was a bit weird. I got panicked, I was wondering what happened. 2 years ago, when she called me and she delivered bad news to me. Today, she said my bro was admitted into hospital. I burst out crying so loud and hard. What happened to my only brother?!! I was panicked, worried, and thought of everything bad that might happen.
I prayed so hard and wished I could be at his side.
My little brother, eventhough I may have bullied you all the time but I love you so much. I don't want to be the only child at home if anything bad happen to you. You don't talk like other siblings do, but you listen and I know you love us. Please, please fight hard against anything that caused you into unconscious.
We are always at your side. (L)(L)(L)

dilemma

A post ONLY in a month?! dang! i must have lost my passionate towards blogging. ._. used to blog at least once a week or twice, sometime more, and now, 'm just so not into the mood of blogging anymore. :/
well, uni has started and this is the 3rd week. not quite enjoying it eventhough I have only 9 hours of contact. the least contact hours that I have ever had throughout all my sems in uni. Good thing i don't need to be in uni most of the time, bad thing is that there is a large workload for all 3 units that I'm taking. Tutorial questions for every single week, weekly online assignments, weekly presentation and quizzes every fortnightly. =.= what the?! guess this is my final year uni life, not working hard in the lab, but spend most of the time at home......doing homework lah. :P
Perth has been REALLY HOT. feel like dying already. T.T while walking back from uni, I had to run between shades so that I could keep myself not being bbq-ed. =S hard to sleep at night cause its so warm and have no air condition like back home. :(

look at the forecast!!!!!! =/ =/ =/

anyway, decided to put up photos of the awesome food that I made last week since I havent been posting up my cooking recently. :P

look at the cheese~yum! i made it myself from scratch! i put cheese into chicken breast. :D

an awesome dinner! :P
who is the awesome one here?! hahaha. super syok sendiri. (sss) XD
dilemma of the day
should I or should I not giving up? friend advises me that I should..haih

Happy Valentines

Happy Valentines day? apa itu?can eat one?hahaha.just kidding. :P
not sure if I'm getting old or whatever reason, I just don't really get too excited for this day anymore. Its just another normal day for me I guess? *emoing*
anyway, such a long period between my current post and last post. Chinese New Year celebration?not bad. Probably I should admit that I'm getting aged, I didn't even have the enthusiasm to go out to visit houses by houses, felt like staying at home and lazed around. ha. Still, went out with my secondary schoolmates and had quite a nice catch up session.
went Penang on the second week of CNY. I should say, it's a great food trip. Too bad I couldn't eat a lot (small stomach and scare FAT!). Walked a lot until my flats are worn-out. @.@ First 2 days of the trip, it was raining and drizzling. I complained. After that, for the rest of the trip, the sun was burning hot, and caused me to get sunburn! =.=" the trip was a bit rush and tiring. next time, should stay longer. XD
went Brunei for sushi after I got back from Penang. What an unforgettable experience that I ever had. We almost got caught by police cause we had 6 people in the car. :P So lucky that we were safe in the end.hehe. Went to eat cendol and Kenny Roger on the same day.dang...i felt like a pig.=.= ate A LOT and slept A LOT.haha.
Going back to Perth on coming Thurs, I only wish for a not-so-hot summer. If not, I will die. ha.
Oh, this is my FINAL year!!! Can't wait to start uni. ^.^
Guess that's my update. :) Happy Valentines Day my dear. Love ya! (L) doubt you will be reading this post. You haven't even update your blog for N years.=.=
People out there, don't be sad if you are single. Enjoy the life of being a single when you still have the chance. Those who have another half, enjoy this special day and stay sweet! :) xoxo

happy dragon year!

happy chinese new year!!! finally, another year passed and here comes dragon year! :D:D
new year new image. this year's style is quite different from previous years. XD

GONG XI FATT CAIIIII!!!!^.^

conclusion for 2011

2011, The year which I got my new lappie and handphone! :)
The year which I went to see eye specialist (never before! =S)
The year which I started my third year of university.
The year which I had more practical works and lab works! (but I still enjoyed them)
The year which I met some of my closed friends.
The year which I lost a good friend of mine due to some unknown reason.
The year which my 4th uncle passed away.
The year which I had my primary school gathering after 10 years. (WOW!)
The year which I went to visit my bf's almost-whole-family.
The year which I learnt Judo. (don't come near me! :P)
The year which I admitted hospital.(dang! :( )
The year which I learnt how to ice-skating (not good still)
The year which I went traveling (Melbourne) alone
The year which I started to regret why didn't I study harder so that I have a better GPA.
The year which I started to worry about my future after I graduate.
The year which I didn't really stay up too late for Xmas eve and new year eve.(I'm getting old! :( )

The list might goes on and on if I'm writing out all the small details. But, those above should be the main things that happened to me in year 2011. I realized, my health is getting worse. Even now, I'm coughing and having slight sore throat. Mum complains I didn't take good care of my own body. :( haih. I probably should blame the age.I'm getting old.T.T

2012 is here. What I hope is, to graduate with the best result that I can do! :) Of course, to have a better health too. I started 2012 by vomiting the second day.=.= great..Also, hopefully to get a part-time job as Aussie dollar is rising high right now! =S =S Other than that, I will think as the year goes by. :P

Have a great year 2012 people! ^.^